There is an element of flow that certainly plays a part in this drama but then there is also the part that says for the flow to begin I have to turn the faucet on. Something has to be first mover when we are discussing accomplishment on the physical plane. My parents we above all else ones that were always in motion but there was always a goal in mind and this is part of what distinguishes me from them. I work hard but sometimes it is as not working. Does that make sense? I hard work at not working.
How sad, I mean if I am going to work at least there should be some purpose and some beneficial outcome that I am going for. I mentioned in another post that I work well when others are around me holding me accountable or when they are looking to me for leadership. The latter is what I like the most because I get the benefit of being held accountable in my mind since others are looking to me for results but at the same time I am the one calling the shots.
This blog and in particular topic has become such a epiphany for me with regard to my motivations in general and my intention is to turn that knowledge that has been hidden from me, probably because I didn't want to deal with it.
Think about it, here is the recap. I get angry with others for being undisciplined because I am angry with myself for being undisciplined. I do busy work to avoid work which makes me feel even more worthless because I am accomplishing nothing and since I am not accomplishing anything I feel undisciplined I feel I have to do something, anything (busywork) to make up for and hide my real habits that I want no one to know about and since I have done it so long I have learned to believe my own lies. Man talk about twisted sh*t!
Keywords: how, twisted, logic, can, lead, to, truth