Not Getting Things Done

Wow, it came as quite a revelation recently when I discovered that I have a hard time with discipline. I spend a lot of time doing nothing and for that reason I get very little done. It appears that I am doing things but in fact I am not. Just busy work kind of stuff not real productive stuff.

There have been several times in my life when I was very productive and to the best of my ability the common thread is that I was being held accountable by someone else so I have come to the conclusion that discipline is the issue. I can work and produce but in terms of being motivated to be productive when no one is watching, I turn in to a undisciplined slug that spends days and days doing nothing while looking busy.

This is actually quite hard for me to admit as I pride myself on my hard work and I do work hard. I know how to work hard and I know what it takes but in terms of getting myself to do it, that is a complete different story. In a post a few days ago about delusion I talked about what really is going on when a person is angry. One of my hot buttons is laziness and now I understand why. I get so angry with another person's laziness because I hate it in myself. It is my own laziness that I am being reminded of when I see it in another and I am mad because that is an area of my life where I have displayed no strength so I am pissed.

I think it is time to develop that muscle and figure out how to be disciplined. I struggle with all things that require discipline and my life would be so much easier if I just had this under control. I gotta think about this for a bit and maybe we will have another post later.